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There was a dumpster fire in the autonomous zone so citizens of the CHAZ called the Seattle fire department

It’s been an interesting week for the newly-created Capital Hill Autonomous Zone. There have been reports that a Seattle rapper named Raz Simone has usurped power in CHAZ by becoming an alleged “terrorist warlord.” A community leader demanded that white CHAZ citizens give money to their black counterparts.

Then there was a literal dumpster fire on the border of the autonomous zone, automatically making for the most fantastic metaphor in the history of metaphors.

But it gets better. The independent citizens of the autonomous zone were concerned about the blaze, so they put out the fire themselves because after all they are “autonomous.” Just kidding. The CHAZ natives called the taxpayer-funded Seattle fire department to put out the dumpster fire because, of course, they did.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s definition of “autonomous” is “having the right or power of self-government.” So much for all that self-sufficiency.

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